Learning to see...

Thursday night Bible study has been quite the learning experience.  We're doing a study that is teaching us to look at ourselves differently.  It's really attacking the lies that we buy into about ourselves and other's every day.  It's been really tough on me.  As much as I don't like to admit it - I can be tougher on myself than anyone else ever would be.  That isn't a good thing because the eyes that I see myself through are also the eyes that I see others through. 

I found a video tonight on tangle that I think we'll watch this Thursday.  It's a video where several people walk up to the camera holding a sign that has their "hidden" sin or a "hidden" pain written on it (loss of a child, divorce, drugs, etc...).  It's set to the song lyrics "Oh, how He loves us.  Oh, how He loves us.  Oh.  Oh, how he loves us...".  Each person then flips their sign over to reveal what God has done in their lives with the pain or sin.  It really struck me.  What would be my sign ?  Sadly, I have a long list of things I could put on mine.  I realize though my list is long - His mercies are much greater than any list I have.  I've been staring at the wrong side of my signs for too long.  I should have been looking at the other side.  The side that says forgiven, changed, loved, and cherished.  I really hope that I can get this lesson and keep hold of it.

Happy 21st Birthday Youngest Girly Girl !

This is the 3x3 box I made for youngest girly girl's birthday.  The box is simple to make but you need a pretty strong adhesive to keep it together nice and tight.  The tape runner I used didn't fare so well in the Kansas heat and humidity but it worked out OK.  I went with a star theme as youngest girly girl is a big fan of them.

This is a close up of the bow I made.  I used the same star paper that is on the sides of the box to make it.  I wanted a bow slightly smaller than the box so I cut 8 strips of 1/4 inch paper 5 3/4 inches long.  I cut 6 strips 5 1/2 inches in length by 1/4 inch wide.  You then fold one of the strips of paper in half to find the center and I used my mini hole punch to punch a hole in the center.  Do this with each of the paper strips.  I found I could actually punch about 4 strips at a time so it's not such a tedious task.  Once the center hole is punched I then punch a hole on each end of the paper strips about 1/4 inch in.  The center of the bow is a brad.  Once you are done with all your punching, put the brad through the center hole of the six 5 1/2 inch long strips of paper.  Then fold these strips over and feed the brad through the holes on the right side of these strips.  Next feed the brad through the holes you punched on the left side of the paper strips.  Repeat the process with 5 3/4 inch paper strips.  Once you have all the strips onto the brad - close the brad.  Don't close it too tightly.  Separate the strips, starting with the longest strips on the bottom first.  Shape your bow.  It probably sounds like a lot of trouble but it's much simpler to do than it sounds in the instructions.  You can even simplify it more by cutting your strips wider.  This way you won't need to cut as many strips and you won't have so many to separate to form the bow.  I attached the bow using a pop dot.  It's nice and sticky and holds onto the bottom of the brad well.

6 more months !

Friday's visit with my oncologist went well.  It actually was pretty wonderful news as I see it.  My oncologist is a pretty reserved man.  He's soft spoken and quiet but he tells it like it is.  Friday's visit was my normal 6 month check up that I have been doing since the end of chemo.  It's been 2 1/2 years now.  Every visit he talks with me about my CT scan results and lab work.  I'm used to him asking - "How are you feeling?  Any belly pain?  Any pain anywhere else?".  Then he has said - "well, your lab work looks good and your CT is good".  Then he schedules me for another workup 6 months later. 

This time however, he said with a smile "Your labs and your CT look great.  It's been 2 1/2 years now and this is really good.  Lets do one more scan and lab in 6 months then we can see about waiting a year.". 

As I left - I am silently praying - "Thank you Jesus !".  I couldn't wait to tell everyone the good news.  Not just good news - but GREAT news ! 

My experience with cancer has changed how I live.  For everyday after my oncologist visit I ignore that I ever had cancer.  Until about a week before I'm scheduled for my CT scan and labs.  Then my mind begins to prepare me for the results of the labs and scan.  First comes the fear of "what if it comes back".  Then comes "you will deal with it, whatever it is".  Next comes "be grateful for the time you've been given".   For the rest of the days up until the visit with my doctor and I hear the results my mind keeps running the process of this circle of thoughts.  I'm glad to put off the process for another six months and hope to get to put it off for a year after that.

Anxiously awaiting...

Another CT scan down.  It actually wasn't so bad this time - no extended poking and prodding.  Just one stick and then the scan.  I think it was worse the time before because I didn't take anyone with me.  Thank you oldest girly girl for going with me, it helped a lot.  Now it's just the waiting.  Waiting until Friday for my doc visit and the results.  It always makes me anxious and a bit grumbly until I know the results from the doctor.

The husband and I watched the movie Fireproof a few weeks back.  One of the scenes from the movie is stuck in my head.  It's the one where he gets angry with her and backs her up against the wall yelling at her.  It's just stuck there because it reminds me so much of myself.  Not so much recently, but more so when I was younger.  I realize now, that just because something or someone frustrates me - it doesn't mean I'm right and they are wrong.  It doesn't give me permission to say ugly things.  It doesn't mean that when the argument is over that I'm sorry will make those ugly words I said and the ugly things I did go away.  God tells us to be careful with our words - to treat others with mercy - and to be gentle and kind.  There is a reason He tells us to be that way.  You cannot cherish someone else if you do not show them through your actions.