I'm in a kind of denial right now. If I just don't think about it - then maybe, just maybe it will cease to be reality. If I close my eyes long enough - it will disappear? Right. Didn't work for me when I was 5 and it sure doesn't seem to be working now.
God is working on me. I am feeling my failures sting and linger. I am impatient with my weakness. I am unsure of any ability I might have to overcome. I am unaccustomed to this kind of of behavior. I can only hope that in all of this - He is in control and knows exactly what I need and when.
I don't know this person I have become. I am uncomfortable in my own skin. Every bump in the road seems as if it is a mountain. Every disappointment seems to be a heartbreak that will never mend. I feel desperate for peace. Grasping for a bit of Joy that is gone as quickly as it comes.
What I don't feel is alone. It doesn't matter how or what I feel - I know beyond any feeling or thing that happens that I am not alone. Even though I am afraid and confused - what I know is that Father God is in control.
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