9 days and it will be time for my next CT scan. I'm not feeling so anxious about the results - this is scan #4 and the others have come back clean. I am anxious about the IV and contrast dye part of the whole thing. On top of all that - I get to have a chest x-ray too. Yippee - I say dripping with sarcasm. I really don't like to talk about this whole "cancer" thing. See, if I don't talk about it then it doesn't have any power. Yeah, that's my theory. Hey, works for me - sometimes.
Having cancer without insurance is a humbling experience to say the least. When I first learned I had cancer and needed surgery I spoke with a lovely woman about the "billing" part of the whole thing. I explained to her that no, we don't have any health insurance. She explained to me that this was a major surgery and would cost over $20,000. Then she asked me - "And how did you plan on paying for a surgery without insurance?". I can't remember my exact words but I'm pretty sure it was something like "I didn't plan on getting cancer in the first place. I didn't plan on my child being in a car accident and spending months away at a hospital in another state. I didn't plan on our house burning down. I don't think even the best planning would have prepared me for any of this.".
This is the other side to me dreading my CT scan. I have one every six months. Every six months I sit before someone and explain that I don't have thousands of dollars with me to pay for a scan that costs anywhere between $3000 and $7000. I explain that yes, I have applied for medicaid but don't qualify. I'm not old enough, sick enough, or whatever it takes enough to qualify. It's very scary because I know I need these tests but I wonder - will they someday say to me - "I'm sorry, we can't do the testing your doctor ordered unless you have the money to pay for it.". Will it be this time?
Those are the negatives in my cancer journey. There have been lots of positives. Thanks to my oldest girly girl I ended up being treated at Kansas Cancer Center. I had 6 chemo treatments of Carboplatin and Taxol that the drug companies didn't charge me for. I had 6 shots of neulasta - shots that cost $5000 + per shot. I had doctor visit after doctor visit. In the end the bill left to be paid was only $12,300. About 6 months ago I got a letter in the mail that said because I was in a hardship they would write off $12,000 of the bill and I could make payments of $20 a month to pay the remainder of the bill. Who does that ? They did. My oncologist visit it around $250 a visit every six months and every visit he writes off all but $30 of that charge. I am very grateful - God has taken good care of me and I pray he blesses every doctor and nurse at the cancer center. They have been wonderful to me. Even though I see them only every six months now - they know me when I walk in the door. They treat everyone of their patients like that. I am very blessed.
I might share some more of my journey with cancer at a later time. For now, this is about all I can share. I don't talk about it much. If I ignore it, then I don't have to think about it and if I don't think about it then it won't return.
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